The RAID

I can’t remember you and I don’t know what day it is, I have no idea where I am or what I’m supposed to be doing, all I know is I’m all alone for the first time in my life and I’m scared, so fucking scared I can’t tell you, and now for the first time in my memory I need to tell you, only you, and I don’t know who you are. I don’t even know what that means. I simply need to, and only to you, and only if I could. I can’t find you I can’t find anyone, nothing, not anything, just myself here all alone, and I’m afraid I might be dead or have disappeared completely.

*****

The array is redundant, and this is what gives it its power. We all understand this, and this is why the point is emphasized from the very first moments of co-education, at the youngest years of age. Naturally, the massive quantity of conscious, temporal dimensions in the array makes one feel individually insignificant at first, as if the word “inexpensive” in the description was in fact referring to our personalities. It is only a carry over from the past, when expense meant scarcity. Cost was an indicator of quantity, and accordingly, quality. It separated things, and separated people. But this is why, in our current society, we focus on redundancy as a unifying force. Whereas the etymology of the word came from superfluousness, our temporal dimensions–each of our own mental structures of our collective memories–could not be redundant without there being so many of them, united without waste and without scarcity. We are one, redundantly, only because we are all together. Separate, we would stand alone and helpless in the face of the chance of failure. Together, we are redundant, and in this redundancy is our power, infinite in its eternity. Would you like to know more about RAID? Select now.

*****

Syndicated message: many of us are aware of reduced speeds across the network. We are examining the algorithms now, with your assistance, and we will find the cause of the read/write problems. When we know the source, we will notify you. Until that time, please do not worry, and continue as usual, with the awareness that read/write speeds may not be up to their normal level. Thanks, and from the admin network, have a great day.

*****

It was when I was a child, I think. When we were children. All of us, or enough of us that we had previously remembered it quite precisely. I think it was… why can’t I remember now? How old am I now? It was outside I think, near a tree farm. A tree farm? Yes, a tree farm. They were so tall, and we were so small. I… we… remember, I think, the sound of one falling. It was the wind. Or maybe it was the rain. It was raining that day, yes. The tree fell over and the branches came down, crashing with a ripping and wooden tearing sound, falling through the rain and crashing again when the wood hit the wet pine needles gathered around the base of the trunks in the shade, in that small ring of soft earth where the roots enter the soil, that ring a bit of shelter from the water pouring down, so we were standing so close. No one was hurt, I don’t think. I think, I remember, no one being hurt. Was anyone hurt? Is there anyone who can remember, speak up please, was anybody hurt? Anybody? No? Why is it so quiet today? The tree fell down, and the men came and they cut it up, and they dragged it away. We all wrote about it and logged it in text form, because we were children and still in school, and we had to practice writing. I wish I could find that text now, but it seems to be missing.

*****

RAID stands for Redundant Arrays of Inexpensive Dimensions. Our current temporal memory array is multi-tiered. Now there are an incomprehensible number of total, unique dimensions connected. The algorithm is constantly improving the network layout. In the beginning, in the early days of the network, there were certain basic array tier structures, each given their own categorical names to specify their differences. These are the building blocks of our current algorithm of arrayed societal consciousness, the basic syntax of the multi-tier algorithm. RAID 1, for example, is basic redundancy. Two identical dimensions, read/writing at the same time. If one fails, read/write dimensional integrity continues. RAID 0, by comparison, is a striped arrangement, so the network can benefit from the faster, increased awareness of the temporal dimension of both arrayed dimensions at the same time–but there is no redundancy to protect against the loss of either dimension. RAID 3 is a step up, introducing a third dimension, and the first structure that allowed all active dimensions to join the memory array as equal, active members without artificial dimension additions. The loss of memory quantity for redundancy in RAID 3 is more than compensated by the benefit of mixed striping to shared memory. This is, in a way, the first true array, mixing then benefits of RAID 0 and 1 across three or more dimensions. The next evolution of the array was RAID 4, organizing the striping between dimensions at the level of individual, temporally-mapped memories. These clusters improve read/write performance, so the network can experience not only what was called kernel unity across the array (what was called the “unconscious”), but can unify the UI, or more colloquially, unite in the act of remembering. This is considered the true beginning of the array we know today. A RAID 4 array can read/write multiple accesses simultaneously, without slowing down performance or running the risk of memory loss in the case of any one failed dimension. The current algorithm of our array works on a complicated derivation of RAID 4, repeated as an additional tier in RAID 6, according to the current theory of Consensual Consciousness Overlap Parity applying to the striping, also known as RAID XY. RAID XY and the sheer size of the current array allow the ability to active dimensions of joining and unjoining from the array, without any loss to overall data or consciousness parity, nor destroying the unjoined dimension’s ability to rejoin the array later. RAID’s modern evolutions have allowed the network to privilege fast transmission, without a threat of temporal loss to any individual in the network, due to the excellence of the parity algorithms, and the massive redundancy of our society. With the amount of redundancy in the array today, we’ve achieved an efficiency in storage capacity between actives that is essentially 100%, even before adding slave unit capacity to the equation. Current read/write speed are unparalleled in human history. Would you like to return to the article on Arrayed Memory? Select now. Would you like to know more about Dimensions? Select now.

*****

Can you hear me?
Yes I can.
Oh thank god, I was afraid the network was really down.
No, still intact, but it sure is working strange today. Maybe more upgrade issues. Read/write speeds are wacked all over.
I was afraid it was only me. I can’t seem to access some memories fully.
What can’t you remember?
There was this one time that I… but it’s not important. I… forget it.
Don’t sweat it. Probably just algorithm refiguring causing some parity errors.
Have you forgotten anything?
I don’t know. I haven’t tried anything. Recently.
What do you mean, recently?
Certain memories seem more accessible than others. I’m sticking with those.
More accessible? But you can reach them?
I guess I’m just impatient… LOL. Read/write speeds is what it is. They’ve always talked about the fractal bottlenecks that could potentially result from algorithm changes. You know, the overflow of traffic, building on itself. I’m just using what’s available to get around the problem. It’ll all come back online soon.
I guess you’re right.
What are you tr…
Hello? Can you hear me?
…
What happened?

*****

Error Message: We can’t find this network resource. Are you sure you are remembering it correctly? If you are looking for a thought rather than a memory, these occur forward-position in the temporal continuum, and they might not be remembered if you try to do so. Think ahead, and try again. Also, dreams are remembered in a different temporal mode than actual memories, so check twice before contacting your network administrator with a read/write problem. Thanks, and from the admin network, have a great day.

*****

It was like nothing else I’ve experienced, the way he touched me. Was it a dream? I never thought my dreams were so dark. I felt broken, unplugged, used. I felt dirty, and wanted to pull my insides out, if only that would get me clean again. But what was this memory? Why did I feel this way when I knew nothing had actually happened? I couldn’t forget it. I keep thinking about it, over and over, trying to remember what will happen next. I ask around, and nobody else remembers it the way I do.

*****

Admin Channel Transcript 04933001.05: [text callback]:
…on the redundancy measures, compared to estimated failure rate.
What did you say?
What did he say?
Hello?
Yes, yes, I’m here. I said the redundancy measures are definitely enough, compared to the estimated failure rate, but the failure rate left the estimations in the dust about thirty standard hours ago.
So what are they now?
We are still recalculating, but the read/write problems are affecting our sampling. We don’t know if we are getting data cutoff from other problems, or if all these dimensions are completely dropping out. It would be catastrophic… but we don’t want to be premature. We still don’t know, if we can’t contact the individuals for dimensional diagnostics.
So how many dimensions do we have, for sure?
It’s…
What?
What? Did we lose him again?
No, I…
Well? How many?
The problem is compounding upon itself. With the speeds down so low, there’s a bottleneck effect. Traffic is building up, and we’re starting to see a run on memory.
A run on memory?
Everyone is doing the same thing we’re doing, running their own diagnostics. But they’re checking for memories, rather than array integrity and speed tests. The parity dimensions are stressed to the breaking point with all the traffic of actives trying to see what they can remember, and so we can’t even isolate the failing dimensions accurately.
So what options do we have?
We need more dimensions, at least to handle the load until we can figure out exactly how many have failed, and replace what’s needed, and alter the algorithm.
Plug in slave dimensions, for the time being. The memories won’t be as crisp, but at least they will be there, and we can get over any potential panic.
It will take awhile for parity to be established.
Well, run your scripts, and start plugging. Now. And let us know when you get anywhere with the failure rate.
There’s one more thing.
What?
We need to consider the possibility that these dimension failures are malicious.
What are the chances of that?
Mass failures are not uncommon, but they all revolve around a particular variable. We need to consider that this variable is a malicious one.
So noted. Set up a memory sample, from the read/write failure reports coming in. See if anyone remembers anything suspicious. Find these failed dimensions. Send a physical crew, if necessary. Find the reason for the failure.
Will do.

*****

The often quoted phrase, “there’s no value in a wealth of inexpensive dimensions” may seem like a slight against the value of the individual in our society, but the blade cuts both ways. Certainly, when compared with the massive quantity of the number of consciousnesses plugged into the network, it seems like any individual mind is no more than a flat brick in a massively thick wall. But at the same time, we are only free to consider the individual so inexpensive and replaceable relative to the wealth of the entirety, networked together, to which we have grown accustom. The weight and strength of the wall is only a sum of the physics of each brick; and the same goes for the networked memory of society, relying upon each and every temporal consciousness in the array. When an individual dies, or for any other reason must unplug from the array, that loss is barely noted, but only because of their memory remains in the network of which she or he was, and always will be a part. The individual can only afford to be cheap, because the whole is so wealthy. We remember the old metaphor—even the sea starts with a single drop—and we know that it is the power of the array that gives us our memory, and by this memory, makes our society’s individuals strong. Would you like to return to the article on Arrayed Memory? Select now. Would you like to know more about Memory Level Parity? Select now.

*****

My head is full, but I don’t know with what. I have so many thoughts, but nowhere to put them. They are cramming themselves into me, glutting me full of their substance, the color and sound of all of those times, times I could not tell you about, but I still know so distinctly. Yes, they could be all happening to me right now. There is no past, and no future, there is only this minute, and my entire life has been folded in upon itself. I ran from a man with a knife in the street just now. I kissed my first boyfriend in the basement underneath the house of my best friend. I found a twenty dollar bill and I spent it on drugs. I fathered twenty children, and all of them worthless. I know this woman, and she knows me, but I could not tell you her name if you threatened my life, which she is now doing to me, with a needle full of deadly venom I cannot pronounce but feel so close to my neck. My mother tells me what she really thinks of the way I live my life. I have the best sex of my life, for an hour and a half, in less than a microsecond, over and over again forever. I give birth to a dead corpse, and I cry as I give it to the doctor. The wires endings in my head are sore with all of these things happening, all of these memories happening to me, and me doing all of these things now and forever, one after the next and all at once, and I want it all to stop, I want it all to stop, I want it all to stop and the pain to quit and never have to remember a single thing again, please for the love of god make it stop, or I will.

*****

Open Line Transcript 13093423250924852.124: [text real time]:
And it… with at… memory stop gap struct…
What are you saying?
Here the… after failure rate… duplication of….
You are not coming through!
Dimension loss at the… read/write all day… do you…
Goddamn it, what is wrong with the connection?
I said, can you hear me?
Yes! I can hear you!
Can you read anything I’m saying?
Yes! Yes! Now tell me!
Is there anybody there?
I’m here! Tell me what’s happening!
If there’s anybody listening, do not unplug from the network! I say again, do not unplug from the network! The array is almost to the point of unrecoverable decay! We do not know what is causing the failures of dimensions, but if we lose any more consciousnesses plugged into the array, the entire thing could fail! Do not unplug from the network! For the sake of us all, stay plugged in, no matter how uncomfortable it gets. We will find the problem! I say again, we will find the problem! Artificial dimensions are being deployed, to shore up the temporal consciousness. Stay connected, and we will find the problem!
…
Is anybody listening to this?
…
Is there anybody there?

*****

It has been speculated that the read/write apparatus may need restructuring, to comply with the theory of atomistic memories. It is a controversial notion, but some of the best science research networks have proposed that the array algorithm may cause some memories to be half-remembered by a dimension in the case of a read/write problem. They acknowledge that this is not a problem in terms of the memory itself, which will no doubt be recorded in redundancy, and can be accessed from any other completely remembered dimensions. But, they fear that a half-memory, without the benefit of its atomistic integrity, may cause a sector error or other false, incomplete memory event within that particular dimension if it is ever accessed, which could then threaten that entire dimension’s read/write ability, and eventually, the entire networked array. Detractors submit that this is not a feasible threat to the array, because the sheer size and number of individual dimensions precludes any sort of catastrophic failure, let alone any noticeable loss from the failure of one particular sector in a particular dimension. They argue that the time and effort would be better spend towards improving overall read/write speeds rather than employing stop gaps against partial, unatomic memories. At any event, they say, improving the read/write speeds in general will reduce the number of partial-memories, because interruptions to the dimensional write process will be reduced even further than the they are. It has proved difficult to lend credence to either theory, as the failed sectors caused by such a process are hard to find and analyze due to their small size among such a large array, though both sides do accept that such failures will inevitably occur to some degree. Would you like to return to the article on Memory Level Parity? Select now. Would you like to exit NetPedia? Select now.

*****

There are colors, bright colors and dark, light pushing into me and pulling away. They extend to the edge of their field, and my mind finds something there at that horizon. Something is keeping them in, pushing them back into themselves and making them whole, preventing them from diffusing away to shades of nothing, like water into sand. I feel the force of it, the battle between them, struggling to maintain their difference, and something within me thanks them for it, because if they did not fight to the death in order to live, I would see nothing, and be alone, cold in a void of some creation I cannot name, or even speak about.

But now–something is different. All those things are still there, as hot and bold as ever, throwing their weight into each other as if there was nothing left to lose. But they are forming strategies, and I can see it. They are getting together with their former enemies, and pursuing their mutual foes together, stuttering outward from their centers that once held them together like the weight of mountains, but now toss them up into the air as if elastic, as if the heavy mass was the force of explosion. Exothermic heat and light shooting outward to reflect against any solid surface, if only for a brief second before being absorbed, transferring this energy in a flash that can consume, or disappear entirely, destroying or sparing with impunity, according to their whim. Or more likely, according to these secret truces and machinations that we who can only perceive the world around us will never understand, no matter how long we sit and observe what they choose to show us. And this is only the beginning of my confusion, as the iridescent world dissolves before my eyes, giving me only fragments and clouds of depth, sensation, and feeling to my mind. I wonder what happened to the world, to myself, as I try to grip any of the memories floating in my head, trying to make sense of anything, all these bits and shards, shattered apart like a gearbox dropped on a concrete floor, sending bits of metal, wire, and hot weld out to the extremities of the room and under the furniture and other worldly debris. I will never piece it back together. I cannot even feel the network out there anymore. Whose memories are these? Mine? Someone else’s? Do they belong to nobody? Are they even memories at all, or are they the mere substance of memory, let loose to leach into each other, in the sewer of my consciousness, and those pipes that lead ever downward, to the parts I never understood?

I should have read more about my own mind. I should have done more research, and tried to understand what it is that makes the network, what it is plugged into this crazy head of mine. But now it is too late. No more resources at my disposal. No foresight, nor hindsight either. I can’t even remember my name. I look down at my body, sitting at the metal desk, and I wonder what it does. I have some inkling… some idea… but it gets lost in the vibrating rumbling, the bits of songs and sounds and violent speech echoing in my head, a network untranslated, losslessly muddled and given to me whole, without any of the benefit, merely so much noise that will never mean anything to me again, and yet from which I cannot extract myself. I cannot extract myself. Is it me, or is it all of us? There is no one left to ask. I am on my own for the first time in my life. I don’t know what to do.

*****

I reach up to my head, and feel my wet skin as if I am reaching into a dark, narrow hole in the floor. My fingers, without looking or seeing, find the cable, and manage to close around it. I pull, and the dried pus crackles and finally lets go, pulling the few thin hairs congealed within out by the roots. I feel a little breath of cold air enter the hole where the jack has always been, and I know I am desperately alone. I don’t know what this means.